Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
