I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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