i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
