good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
