I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
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