So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
