i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
