I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
