i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't turn off my feet"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
