WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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