Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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