Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize