Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize