Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
