Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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