Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
