I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
