im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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