I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
