I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
