I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do herpes really smell.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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