If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
where am i from again
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
