Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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