if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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