I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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