ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
