Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
