The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
