I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
bring money and cleavage
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
