She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
