I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
