do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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