we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
