It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
