the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
