if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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