Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
