Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
