I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
