No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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