xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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