i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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