Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
