Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
