You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
