Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is the high leading the old right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
