tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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