wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
