So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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