dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
