I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
