last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
