I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
