So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
