i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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