sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating