What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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