You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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