I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED