My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.