Texts From Last Night

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  Wtf?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Use the slutty part of ur brain.

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  (225): Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!! (1-225): Wtf? (225): Use the slutty part of ur brain. http://tfl.nu/qcnm
  Replies (32) Good night (3044) Bad night (573)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

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  (818): I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here. http://tfl.nu/5v02
  Replies (19) Good night (811) Bad night (4857)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!

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  (815): escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see! http://tfl.nu/96ew
  Replies (64) Good night (1089) Bad night (2100)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

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  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (2020) Bad night (13893)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.

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  (403): Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season. http://tfl.nu/yv9x
  Replies (9) Good night (2459) Bad night (845)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.

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  (403): He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love. http://tfl.nu/9ope
  Replies (7) Good night (2477) Bad night (776)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  It's official drugs can't kill me

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  (864): It's official drugs can't kill me http://tfl.nu/v797
  Replies (13) Good night (2096) Bad night (780)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave

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  (608): not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave http://tfl.nu/ay74
  Replies (5) Good night (1819) Bad night (749)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again

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  (704): Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again http://tfl.nu/mnjw
  Replies (5) Good night (1269) Bad night (519)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.

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  (740): Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dou8
  Replies (8) Good night (1322) Bad night (493)
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  (760): View more from California

  She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder

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  (760): She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder http://tfl.nu/mb3b
  Replies (3) Good night (1046) Bad night (467)
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  (310): View more from California

  Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on

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  (310): Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on http://tfl.nu/xhhi
  Replies (2) Good night (850) Bad night (475)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.

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  (602): Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials. http://tfl.nu/99ms
  Replies (4) Good night (307) Bad night (751)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul

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  (406): Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul http://tfl.nu/bbxf
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.

  (818): View more from California

  We won.

  (818): View more from California

  USA USA USA

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  (818): Also, you should've bet on Team Liver. (818): We won. (818): USA USA USA http://tfl.nu/j79n
  Replies (0) Good night (397) Bad night (221)

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