omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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