he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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