Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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