Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
