Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
