The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
