I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
