yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
