went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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