i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
