I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
